Imagined Malice

This week, we watched Season 1, Episode 3: Bay of Married Pigs.

I really didn't enjoy or agree with this episode's emphasis on the supposed animosity between single women and married women. I understand that it's TV, so the writers dramatized it, but as a single woman, I have never perceived that married women hate me, are jealous of me, or are suspicious of me.

Carrie later deduces that it's not hate, but "fear of the unknown. Married people don't hate singles. They just want us figured out." What Carrie seems to forget is that married women, and women in long-term relationships (not necessarily just marriage), were all once single. Although I am in a relationship, I can definitely remember what it was like to be single. All the bad things - constantly being "set-up," feeling lonely, feeling like you're waiting around.... all the good things - more time for yourself, being alone... In my life, I've definitely been single more than I've been in a relationship, and I sure as h more familiar with being single. Being in a relationship is more unknown to me. And for most people, marriage is definitely more unknown than single life.

But don't get me wrong, I don't pity single women. I'm not one of "those who don't fear you, pity you." One of the most inane questions I would be asked all the time was, "why are you single?" It drove me crazy, because the implication is that something must be wrong with me. The reasons really vary per person. Maybe I don't want to be in a relationship right now. Maybe I shouldn't be in a relationship right now. Maybe I have other things to focus on first. Maybe I would rather be single than date an idiot like yourself!! These myriad of reasons is why I don't pity single women - there's a hell of a lot more to dating than just being open-minded and dating the next guy who passes by on the street. A lot of single women are single by choice, and that's nothing to pity.


To a less exaggerated degree, I think what the episode is trying to address is the restlessness, unhappiness, desire for freedom that some people feel when they're in a relationship. I've experienced this in the past and counseled friends through this, but usually it's a sign that it's time to move on or to address underlying issues in the relationship. More on this later - I am a big advocate of dumping your boyfriend bc he's not good enough ; )

P.S. I don't remember if the entire show is like this, but the first few episodes of Sex and the City have really hated on marriage. Any long term relationship faces the same issues as marriage. Whether or not you have a certificate, when you're in a committed long-term relationship, you face issues like boredom and routine, freedom, trust, staying excited, daily doldrums vs. romance, etc. Whether or not you want marriage or you've decided to Goldie Hawn/Kurt Russell it, it's the same thing: a committed long-term relationship. Being married and being a strong, happy women are not mutually exclusive.